I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
