Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
