FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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