This girl is more easily done than said...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
