Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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