there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize