sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
