just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
