So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
