Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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