How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
