The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
