I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
