New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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