Having a random hookup so left but love u
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Shame is for Republicans.
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