Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
