You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
