Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
