Plan B is the new Plan A
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
