I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
