I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
