She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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