Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My vagina is officially offended.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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