That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
