Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
