Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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