ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
