The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
