Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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