I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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