I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
