i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
