I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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