Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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