Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
