I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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