just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
