dude i'm inner monologue high
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
