i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
