She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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