I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
