apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
