There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
