I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
