She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
