You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
