Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
