Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drunk is not a location!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
