Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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