Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
