Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
