Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
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